Submission #2

Wow.

That's pretty much all that can be said for 2008. Just.. wow.

Let me just start by winding the clocks back a year to my End-of-2007 New Year's party. As we watched the Ball slowly drop, many thrilling thoughts ran rapidly through our minds. This was the year we were going to California for our very last field trip. This was the year we were graduating from high school. This was the year we were going our separate ways by leaving for college. This was the year where we could not only vote for the first time, but change the course of history as well. So many exciting things to look forward to...

However.. if anyone told me that 2008 would not only be one of the best years of my life, but also a year that would transform me and possibly affect my future in a way that I could have never imagined.. I still would not have believed it.

The trip to Cali was breathtaking. Our graduation was heartwarming. But it wasn't until the summer came that life for me began to change... By mid-July, about two days after my dearest bestie moved away to Florida (probably the only true upsetting moment in the entire year), my two friends and I decided to take a walk around the neighborhood. Seeing as how this was our last summer before heading off to college, we decided to spend as much time with each other as humanly possible. Except.. this particular summer day was.. different...

One of my friends, the most upbeat and happy-go-lucky guy you could ever meet, seemed.. really low for some reason... At first I thought he was just kidding around, so I originally didn't think anything of it. My other friend and I simply continued to have a good time. But as the walk went on, the smile was quickly fading from my face. As soon as I began to realize that something wasn't right, my troubled friend suddenly whipped around and embraced me tightly. I was so taken off guard, I can't even remember if I hugged him back or not. At that point, I was seriously concerned. Something was terribly wrong.

Instead of laughing along with my other friend, I found myself walking in complete and utter silence, constantly throwing nervous glances toward my poor friend. I had never seen him upset before, especially at this level. Many anxious thoughts raced through my mind as I tried to desperately guess what could possibly be wrong. This didn't last too long, though, as I refused to believe my overdramatic imagination. It was the very first time I had ever wanted to hold his hand as if to say, "Don't worry. I'm here for you."

After our walk, we headed back to my house to hang out for the rest of the day, where (thank God!) my friend finally began to lighten up a bit and return somewhat to his usual self. Before we knew it, the sun had already set, and my other friend had to go home. Once we saw him off, my friend and I got out a huge blanket and took it outside to go stargazing. I had such a good time just lying next to my friend, lost in conversation, I had almost forgotten about his problem. That is.. until the moon came out.

I can't exactly remember if it was full or not, but it was definitely beaming in a brilliant glow of pure white. I was so transfixed by its light, I quickly grabbed my camera to take a picture. I stood up and tried to get the perfect shot, all the while not paying attention to what my friend was doing. As I tried to figure out why the pictures were coming out so small, I heard him softly call my name from behind me. Still playing with my camera, I didn't turn around. I simply responded with a gentle coo. It was at that exact moment that my friend had told me what the "problem" was in one of the shortest sentences of all time.

I instantly stopped playing around with my camera. In fact, had the string not been attached to my wrist, it would have hit the ground. I slowly turned around and gaped at him, not quite sure if I had heard him correctly. Smiling uncertainly at my stunned silence, he repeated his "problem" again. Ladies and gentlemen, I could not even pretend to know what sensations shot through my body just then. I felt a numbing sensation in my chest, as if someone had literally elbowed me in the heart to make it stop beating and said, "Did you just hear what I just heard?!" For a moment, I couldn't even move. I wanted to jump! I wanted to scream! I wanted to.. just EXPLODE!

But I couldn't do any of those things. I just stood there.. with the biggest smile that I had ever given anyone in my entire life. When I finally found my voice, I chokingly uttered, "O.. my.. God..." Before my friend could question my feelings, I threw myself at him, hugging him ten times tighter than he had randomly hugged me earlier that day. I pushed my face so hard against him, that my glasses had become contacts. I found myself repeating my raw joy over and over and over again. Tears even streamed down my suddenly heated face. But the one thing that expressed my feelings more than anything else was my absolute refusal to let him go. I don't exactly remember how long we stood there in each other's arms, but it didn't matter. In my mind, time stood still.

Eventually, we did let each other go, and he told me everything. I listened intensely, taking all of it in. By the time he was done talking, he gave me a funny look and smiled. He told me that I was actually glowing with excitement. At that moment, we found ourselves laughing for absolutely no reason. I had never heard him laugh so hard in my life. If I had to die right there at that undescribable moment, it would have been just fine with me.

Once we calmed down, I stared directly into his eyes. I promised him with all my being that no matter what happens in the future, whether it be something wonderful or something awful.. I would be there for him. No. Matter. What. I profoundly meant it then, and nothing has changed now.

I made this promise to my friend six months ago. But maybe this is a promise that is much bigger than the both of us. This is a promise that many people deserve to have. This is a promise that could alter my future forever. Yes, it's true that 2008 has been one of the best years of my life, but I'm hoping for 2009 to be even better. And for 2010 to be even better than that. Because, ladies and gentlemen, I have a promise to keep. And that's the promise of a much brighter future.

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Submission #1

As a closeted individual, I often feel resented by the GLBT community at large. I feel marginalized by a group that is supposed to be my own. For me, there is no sense of “community” within the world of queers. All of the “out and proud” gays stand tall together, waving rainbow flags and protesting our country’s injustices. But there is no place among them for someone like me.

Harvey Milk asked every professional gay to come out to everyone. Activists I have met argue the same. There is almost a sense that staying in the closet is a betrayal to the community and is counterproductive to our cause.

But what happens to those of us who really cannot, should not, come out? We all have our reasons. Some of us are minors living under our parents’ roof. If I were to tell my parents at the age of 16, I would be punished for allowing Satan to influence me and those awful gays to recruit me. I was not recruited. I would not want to have been recruited. Who, really, would want to face all of this adversity? I would certainly lose any and all privileges to leave the house with my friends. I would likely be put into some sort of Christian reform camp for gays who should learn to be straight. How can my elder gay friends—and even some of my peers—resent me for not coming out?

Many situations are even more severe than mine. Some children would be abused, neglected, disowned. Some students would lose support and college funding from their parents. Some adults would lose their jobs. Lieutenant Dan Choi is a brave and courageous individual, but because of his high rank and financial stability, he could afford to make a stand and lose his job. What about the fresh recruits? What about the person who has no other option but the military because this economy doesn’t have many job opportunities? What about the person who could lose his or her car, home, livelihood for coming out?

Rampant prejudice still exists in our nation. Virginia recently revoked sexual orientation from its anti-discrimination laws. In Pennsylvania (excluding Reading), one could feasibly be evicted for being gay. A simple google search turns up hundreds of articles detailing places all over the US where there are fiscal consequences for coming out of the closet.

It saddens me that there is no community for closeted individuals. Who will support us? Who is looking out for us?

We are here. We are queer. And we need your support and encouragement.

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